everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
