I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
where are my eyebrows?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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