Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
