You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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