The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
