It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Randomize
