Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize