just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
