Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
