those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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