I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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