i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
