ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
