Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
