she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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