And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
