Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
