Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
