I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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