I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Two words: nipple clamps
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