U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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