im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
