I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize