Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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