UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
