So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
