dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
