I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
