i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
