i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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