The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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