I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
