So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
