I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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