im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
