Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
