If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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