Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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