Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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