He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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