when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
