You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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