I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
