Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
