Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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