Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
