and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
