Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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