No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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