you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
