I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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