i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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