my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
