Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
