my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
