You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
