I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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