It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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